Andy Andrews - Inspirational Corporate Speaker

My Olympic Suggestions

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Several weeks ago, I realized that for the first time in my life, I was not interested in the upcoming Olympic games. Having always been a huge fan, I wasn't sure if my indifference was due to the "China" factor or the realization that my short-term goals do not include stopping to watch television for two weeks.

However ... when the swimmers got started, I was hooked. The whole Michael Phelps story was terrific and I really enjoyed Rowdy Gaines' presence on the broadcast. Rowdy, a former "fastest swimmer on the planet", and I had several classes together in college and he is a great guy. When the Phelps mini-documentary revealed that Michael consumes 12,000 calories per day, I remembered what it was like to eat lunch with Rowdy when he was pursuing his own swimming gold medals (he won three in 1984). Swimmers can really eat!

My family has enjoyed the "beach" volleyball events even more than the indoor version of the sport. Austin and Adam have become huge fans of 6' 9" Phil Dalhausser aka The Thin Beast! Wouldn't you hate to play the net against that guy???

Doing a brief bit of research on the Olympic movement, I found some interesting facts ...

1) There are 302 Gold Medals up for grabs in Beijing. Most of them are in sports you and I have never tried and a great number are in sports we will never watch.

2) Synchronized Swimming (which is ridiculous to me) is the only Olympic event that requires makeup and hair gel.

3) According to the Olympic's own website, Judo is the only Olympic sport where "submission holds allow choking an opponent or breaking an arm". Sheesh!

There are obviously some sports that never see any television time because very few people care to watch.

1) Trampoline? I see as much of this as I need to see. Our neighbor's kids are bouncing on one all the time.

2) Fencing? I'd rather watch someone build a fence.

3) Dressage? It's horse dancing. And the horse does all the work!

My own suggestions for new events include Cross Country Ballroom Dancing, The Javelin Catch, 100 Meter Blindfolded Dash, and Full Contact Whining (I already see a lot of this in my line of work ...). Here though, is my greatest offering ... 10 Meter Platform Cannonball. The medalists would be determined by a computer graphics display of the athlete who displaces the most water above the surface of the pool – in other words, the biggest splash. This would make television ratings history. Think about it. Would you leave the room as Japan sends a sumo from the 10 meter platform? I didn't think so.

Finally, a brief nod to all those who weren't quite big enough, fast enough, or looked good enough in a beach volleyball outfit. There are many of us who will never know the thrill of that kind of victory. Fortunately though, we have also avoided the following agony of defeat. This short video was brought to my attention by my publisher, Mike Hyatt, on his blog. Mike is the President and CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers. It is a perfect fit for this silly blog I have written and if he wants my next book on time, I am sure he won't mind me borrowing it!

We'll talk again soon.

Your friend,
Andy Andrews

Posted in General | Make a Comment (44) |

1. Darlene Stark - August 21, 2008 @ 11:39 AM

"Andy,
You are so funny and creative, I love the way you think!
Have a great day!
Darlene"

2. Rick VanDermyden - August 21, 2008 @ 11:47 AM

"Thanks, Andy! Now I am sitting in my office laughing so hard I am almost in tears! Your blog is great and the video puts it over the top. And now I have a topic for my next sales meeting.

Have an awesome week."

3. Michael S. Hyatt - August 21, 2008 @ 11:47 AM

"Andy,

Very funny post. I would second your motion to add the 10 Meter Platform Cannonball. This would be a GREAT event!

Thanks,

Mike"

4. Bumble Beez - August 21, 2008 @ 11:57 AM

"Love the Sumo Cannonball...fabulous visual! Like SeaWorld, bleachers will require a "splash zone".

Hugs to you and Polly."

5. J Perdue - August 21, 2008 @ 12:03 PM

"I am surprised at your disdainful opinion of others' interests. I, too, don't find dressage, fascinating. But these people have a passion and pursue it! At 60 I took up Taekwondo, silly for my age, but it is a driving force. Synchronized swimming is more for movies too me, but they work hard, make sacrifices, etc. I am disappointed in your lack of understanding. For a "motivational" speaker, shame on you."

6. Ralph Stevens - August 21, 2008 @ 12:04 PM

"No doubt, my kids would be all about the Sumo Cannonball event but, then we'd all have to do it the next time we visit the pool...in the neighborhood olympic games!"

7. George Holder - August 21, 2008 @ 12:05 PM

"Andy,

The bigger question based upon this video clip is "Did the bike follow the 'assisted diver' over the bridge's railing?""

8. Robert Nowlin - August 21, 2008 @ 12:11 PM

"Instead of a Sumo diver, I just want to see the guy or girl who knows there is no way they can medal with their last dive just do a big splash, cannonball, or can opener. As a kid at the local pool we did one called the midnight crawler. It was sure to get the lifegaurd and all the high school girls working on their tans wet! It also got you sat out of the pool for 15 minutes!"

9. Bob Corcoran - August 21, 2008 @ 12:18 PM

"Having seen you live, I thought I laughed a lot. Thank you for topping that!! I look forward to seeing you again and reading your next book! Keep up the awesome work....Bob"

10. Joe - August 21, 2008 @ 12:26 PM

"Hey Andy! Greetings from Daphne, AL! Sure miss our road trips. I enjoyed the blog & the video. Because of some of our conversations regarding following your dream, I was not disappointed when my son decided to quit college and pursue a career in cycling (the kind without a motor). In fact, I encouraged him to pursue his dream because of what you taught me. He has worked his way up the ladder and is one of the top cyclist in our part of the world and considered one of the best Under 23 riders in the U.S. & Canada. His goal is the 2012 Olympics."

11. Kyle Olund - August 21, 2008 @ 12:35 PM

"I'd like to see the 100-yard dizzy bat dash. Now that would be a great race. And add in some hurdles . . . now we're talking. Thanks for video, which I have viewed previously, and I still cringe and roll up in a ball every time I see that pole vaulter."

12. Bonnie Latino - August 21, 2008 @ 12:36 PM

"Andy: Your blog is almost as funny as you are in person. Here's another funny "Olympic Moment" that is guaranteed to make you LOL!

~Bonnie in Atmore

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EO_BnsrWMnI"

13. Joe - August 21, 2008 @ 12:44 PM

"Andy, forgot to mention my lovely daughter's dream realized. She is a proud member of the University of Alabama Million Dollar Band. Look for her during the halftimes (she's the one in the crimson & white uniform)."

14. Jeanne Jacobs - August 21, 2008 @ 12:46 PM

"There is no way I would miss the 10 Meter Platform Cannonball. My imagination running wild thinking about the commentary ... You are a true delight and I enjoy your blogs"

15. Gene - August 21, 2008 @ 1:26 PM

"Terrific observations, Andy, and incredibly funny. The video had both and "ouch" factor and a keystone cops kind of humor. Well done!"

16. John Bonds - August 21, 2008 @ 1:40 PM

"It's been a long time since I saw you at one of our conferences. I still love the way you look at life. You once said that you look for the simple things in life that are funny.
Sandra and I still love hearing from you
johnbonds"

17. George - August 21, 2008 @ 1:46 PM

"Andy, I look forward to your messages, and share them with friends and family. Being a 285 pounder, the Cannonball Event sings to my soul. Post #5 gets a 10.0 from me on Olympic Whining. That's the only category that Frowners ever win in!"

18. Mary McCullough - August 21, 2008 @ 2:01 PM

"I love your stuff! I send it on to all of my friends! Can't wait o see you at the Rocky Mountain Summit in Keystone.
Mary"

19. Debbie Starr - August 21, 2008 @ 2:14 PM

"Andy - I love your blog! You make me laugh, you make me cry and you make me think! Today I was sitting at my desk laughing so hard I couldn't even answer the phone!

Thank you for who you are!"

20. Bridget - August 21, 2008 @ 2:25 PM

"Andy - Okay - that was just funny! We all need to laugh once in a while! Why we laugh at others' pain is beyond me, but we do and I did! Anyway, on another Olympic note - Have you noticed that none of the US athletes are singing the National Anthem? I have watched every night and I have not seen any of them singing along! I have seen other countries athletes sing, but not ours! Has anyone else noticed this and what's up with that!?"

21. Frank - August 21, 2008 @ 3:57 PM

"This is way too funny! You should put a disclaimer on the top of the blog for folks to close the door so people do not think we cracked up.

Bridget, I think the reason they are not singing the words is due to the DRM issues. :-]

thanks!
frank"

22. KK - August 21, 2008 @ 5:09 PM

"Too funny - We definitly got a good laugh. Thanks.

On the national anthem bit...
Dara Torres was singing quietly while trying not to cry."

23. Michelle - August 21, 2008 @ 7:03 PM

"I second the cannonball event! I would stay home and watch that!

Synchro swimmers always get teased but we can take it! Remember the synchro swim Saturday Night Live skit? I never laughed so hard – I still have it on VHS!
I apologize for the long comment here but I have to defend synchronized swimming a little bit.
I never understood the whole make up thing either but the hair gel is absolutely necessary. It is actually Knox gelatin and it doesn't come out in the water which makes it near impossible to wash out but it keeps everyone's hair in place. Swim caps don't work because they can come off during routines...like when they're all connected by their feet and heads. How they discovered the whole Knox gelatin thing is beyond me...kind of weird, really.

My fellow synchro-mates would drown me if I didn’t mention this: most synchro routines are 4 minutes where more than 3 minutes are spent under water…we don't get to breathe much. It would be like Michael Phelps swimming 400 meters w/ 300 of those meters under water granted not all at once but it sure feels like it. It is a very aerobic but anaerobic sport.

Kind of close to your neck of the woods, the University of Alabama, Birmingham has a pretty decent synchro team. They took 5th place in the collegiate finals.

But I agree with you Andy, it is a goofy sport and it isn’t for everyone but we do appreciate the teasing. Beware, if you ever come up by me, I will make you come and swim at one of our practices (you don’t have to wear the Speedo – I promise)."

24. Ken Okel - August 21, 2008 @ 7:15 PM

"I think part of the Olympic appeal is the fact that while watching on the couch, we all secretly feel that we could compete in a variety of the sports. Our inner athlete gets to come out every four years even if our current physical activity may be limited to chasing runaway shopping carts."

25. Evelyn Yauk - August 21, 2008 @ 8:43 PM

"I really enjoyed it as I do the others. I followed the softball. We have a granddaughter who plays Fast-Pitch softball. Having gone to most of her Sunday tournaments in Travel soft ball and about all of her high school games this spring and summer, it got me interested in watching some of the olympic games. She pitched a 13 inning game, alone, this past spring. No reliefs, that is. Hoping they will bring back olympic softball by the time she is in college. She is a high school sophomore at present. E. Yauk"

26. Larry - August 21, 2008 @ 8:45 PM

"Andy, Enjoyed your blog. The thing about watching those athletes in the video is; I bet they got up, brushed themselves off and gave it another shot. A lesson for all of us.

Joe, this is a West Coast thing, my son is starting his 4th year in the USC marching band, he is having a blast and so am I. You can't miss him he has a bright gold helmet.

Larry"

27. Frances Kranik - August 21, 2008 @ 10:05 PM

"Ok, so I do like the synchro swimming, I can't imagine how hard that would be to do - without being able to see AND holding your breath. I'd also love to see the 10 meter canonball - by a sumo wrestler at that! But for some reason I have a hard time seeing the humor in people getting hurt - I don't watch funniest home videos for the same reason."

28. Sandra Hayes - August 21, 2008 @ 10:54 PM

"Thanks, Andy. You are a master at helping me see things from a new perspective. Keep up the good work - or whatever it is.
Congratulations to all the Olympic contestants - You and we are all winners."

29. Karris Campbell - August 21, 2008 @ 11:54 PM

"Mr. Andy
This is such a funny blog! Probably my favorite.

My family is really into the Olympics and we watch them whenever we can. :) However, I feel a little disappointed now, because your events seem like they would be much more fun. I am quite partial to the cannon ball event. I think my dad would bring home a gold in that particular event. haha!
<3"

30. Dan Pope - August 22, 2008 @ 12:46 AM

"My college son and I are Olympic fanatics-we love the competition and the USA pride we feel watching our athletes give it their best. For me I really enjoy all the back stories and how they inspire me to stay focused on my dreams and give it my best everyday. Their dedication speaks to me at a time in my life where it is tough starting and building my own business to live out my dreams....Go USA"

31. susan johnson - August 22, 2008 @ 9:36 AM

"I have always been a huge fan of yours. I usually love your sense of humor and your positive thinking. That said I am very shocked at how negative your message is.I also see some of the events as pointless, but that was really negative for the Andy I love to see live, listen to, and read!"

32. Michelle - August 22, 2008 @ 1:55 PM

"Well...I have to respond to my own darn message!
My husband explained to me last night why people find synchro to be a kind of pointless sport. He said it is because it doesn't have enough danger and or speed which is why people watch gymnastics, running, volleyball, etc. He also said watching synchro like watching a ballet and he's glad I don't make him do either one. Heck, I'm glad he doesn't want to do either one!

He's all for the cannonball event too!"

33. Andy Andrews - August 22, 2008 @ 2:40 PM

"Joe! (10, 12)

Great to hear from you! So glad your kids are doing great!

Michelle! (22, 31)

First of all, thanks for being a great sport-- about a sport! Obviously, you have a terrific sense of humor (thank God). You are right...I could never do what you do. I'm afraid the "breath holding thing" would weed me out quickly. Well, that and the fact that I don't like jello in my hair! Thanks for the cool fact about the Knox gelatin, by the way...

And you are correct...the Synchronized Swimming video you mentioned is one of the funniest I have ever seen. Google "Harry Shearer Synchronized Swimming" and you can find it easily. Did you remember that Martin Short is also in that video?

Take care and thanks for participating!

Andy"

34. Michelle - August 22, 2008 @ 3:44 PM

"Andy, thank you so incredibly much for the link! I never ever figured it would be online. I have it bookmarked now and that makes me very happy!
The only person I remembered in the whole skit was Martin Short. I couldn't remember who the other guys were but now (thanks to you) I know who they are.

That is awesome, thanks again!"

35. Lori Yaphe-Delisle - August 22, 2008 @ 5:34 PM

"Dear Andy,

I haven't seen you in years, but keep up with your website and this blog is the best! There are several sports here that mystify me. You've hit on several, but can you explain to me a couple of things about the "sport gear". Why to the beach vollyball men wear tanks and long shorts and the women are barely covered at all? I know the answer seems obvious but I just thought I'd ask. Also did you see the woman track athlete from Bahrain running a speed event completely covered for modesty. I would think if she wants to be modest she wouldn't run at all. Then no one would notice her and she could remain modest. Oh well, I have thoroughly enjoyed watching the events and have still managed to push forward on my goals.

Be Blessed,

Lori"

36. Foncie Bullard - August 22, 2008 @ 6:36 PM

"Andy, you know I love you. BUT I have to address your Dressage comment. First of all, remember that horses are the ONLY animals(don't get technical on me cuz I think we humans are animals too but you know what I'm saying) participating in the Olympic Games. And yes, it does appear that they do all the work BUT let me tell you, left to their own choices, they'd be back home grazing in a lush green pasture. In Dressage, much of the beauty comes from the imperceivable aids being given to the horse by the rider to get the horse to "dance". The rider definitely leads in this dance! The truly great riders seem to be just along for the ride. And, you think women are moody and unpredictable?...well multiply that by 100 and you have a horse. Next time you are visiting us in Point Clear you must come watch me ride Shelby my beautiful 16.3 grey Hanovarian Mare. Shelby is 14 and was a gift from friends of ours in Thomasville, Ga. Fortunately for me, Shelby has been beautifully trained and knows quite a bit of Dressage. Unfortunately for Shelby, I flunked out of the Royal School of Ballet in London England when I was 6 for a reason...I can't dance. By watching me ride Shelby you will appreciate the grace and skill of the Olympic Equestrians. Shelby, of course, is gold in my book! I'm having a ball with her. Keep the blogs coming. They are great. And, hey, I'm promoting badminton and hand ball for UMS-Wright. No one in the USA has ever medaled in these events. Just a thought, if Brett Favre's comeback doesn't pan out there's always badminton!"

37. Mike Hayden - August 22, 2008 @ 10:26 PM

"Hi Andy - You win the GOLD! That is a big LOL for today! (and yes Virginia, there really is humor here, horses dancing IS funny!! :)"

38. Deb Meyer - August 25, 2008 @ 12:41 PM

"Andy -

I love your humor. I saw you about 3 years ago when you did a conference for The Limu Company and seeing your comments about Rowdy the other day - do you realize that he is now the official spokesman for the Limu Company - how cool you all went to school together.

Keep up the great work!!

Deb"

39. Brian Campbell - August 25, 2008 @ 9:06 PM

"Hey Andy! Greetings from www.briancampbell.worldventures.biz here in Mpls. Your blogs are as funny as you are live! Thanks for being you! Come join our travel club so we can have you up close and personal. Thanks for blogging with us!!!"

40. Jessica J - August 28, 2008 @ 1:48 PM

"Sport: Physical activity that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often engaged in competitively.

I thought I might add my own "sport", since one of your readers thought you had a "disdainful opinion of others' interests". According to the response in 5, and the definition of a sport (I'm sorry, but I saw way too much humor in this one) then interest and passion play a role in defining and qualifying an olympic sport. Soooo... my olympic sport would be child-bearing... And yes it would qualify as a sport!! It is a physical activity (no kidding), it is governed by a set of rules (such as you MUST HAVE the baby), and unbenounced to men (sorry ladies, but I'm spilling the beans here) women compete against each other competitively in child-bearing. Yes, it's true child-bearing could be an olympic sport!"

41. Ruth Vogt - August 29, 2008 @ 8:42 AM

"If there were an Olympic sport for "Blogging" YOU would take the gold! I can't believe that you just recently took up the "sport" of blogging and can put together such entertaining posts! Glad we don't have to wait for your next book(s) to see a glimpse of your humour and perspective!"

42. Chuck - September 1, 2008 @ 7:33 AM

"Andy, I awoke early this morning thinking of you, Polly and the boys, while watching your local hurricane coverage. My brother who lives in Key West for the last 33 years has ridden out each storm during that time, but I hope that you and your family have moved to a place of safety for this one. While I certainly don't expect that you'll read this as this event unfolds, I just want you to know that your many fans in Colorado are thinking of you today. I imagine that you will apply this experience to an analogy as one more "storm of perfection", thereby helping us all to better understand how life's challenges only serve to make us stronger for that which we must learn as we progress through it. But for today,stay safe.."

43. Brandye - September 5, 2008 @ 2:28 PM

"Love this, my sister told me to come and read it! I got to watch you at the Advocare Success School in Dallas a month ago, love it! I'm still laughing over the comment about 'Anger Management is a crock!' I said AMEN to that one the minute you said it!
God Bless you!"

44. Jon Price - September 19, 2008 @ 12:15 PM

"Andy,
One of my to do items every day is to make sure that I laugh. Thanks for letting me cross this one off my list. I guess I should add, laugh til I cry, to that list now and bookmark this page!
Thanks"