Entertain Your Family and Friends

"Andy - Perfect for today. Thank you so much for sharing a few of your favorite things - you sing so well.

Earlier this year I found out I had cancer, then kidney stones, and in July, bypass surgery. I just finished the rough draft of my new book, "Old Coaches Never Die, We Just Run Out of Time Outs!"

These are a few of my favorite things - I dont' sing!"

"As the broker for a real estate company we are charaged with growing the company by recruiting new and experienced agents. So my apologies to Paul Simon but here goes:

50 Ways To Leave Your Broker

The problem is all inside your head
She said to me
The answer is easy if you
Take it logically

I’d like to help you in your struggle
To be free
There must be fifty ways
To leave your Broker

She said it’s really not my habit
To intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning
Won’t be lost or misconstrued
But I’ll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways
To leave your Broker

Fifty ways to leave your Broker

CHORUS:
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free, Bea
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And come with me!

She said it grieves me so
To see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do
To make you smile again
I said I appreciate that
And would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why don’t we both
Just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning
You’ll begin to see the light
And then she winked at me
And I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways
To leave your Broker

Fifty ways to leave your Broker

CHORUS
Ride your bike Mike
It’s not a sin Jim
It’s not about the doe Joe
It’s your chance to be free Dee
Walk this way Faye
Run don’t walk Jock
It’s this way Renee
Join the team Jean
Take a shot Scott
Just take my hand Jan
Fly with me Lee
It’s a new day Ray
Don’t tarry Cary
Get a little giddy Libby
Get in the car Harve
Your chance to get ahead Ed
Shoot for the moon June
Take a plane Jane
It’s like takin candy, Andy!"

"Hello Andy,
Perhaps you've heard the old gospel tune, "Too Much To Gain To Lose." The original says "Too many miles behind me....Too many trials are through... Too many tears help me to remember, there's too much to gain to lose." Well, a few years ago, after packing on a few pounds, I penned these words:

Too many meals behind me.
Too many calories consued.
Too many road trips to Cracker Barrell
Oh, there's too much I've gained to lose.

I hope this put a smile on your face. If it did, consider it repayment for the many smiles you've given me over the years."

"Andy,

Just wrote this in honor of your battle with the "Airplane flu" back a few month again. Enjoy!!

Joey


Swine Flu Time (tune Summertime)

Swine Flu time and the livin' ain't so easy

My head is thumping and my fever is high

The doctor says I'll be better by morning

Oh Lord if I ain't, please take me to my home in the sky."

"Andy;
Your latest offering via email was so enjoyable and inspiring. Thank you so much. As a Pastor for 45 years I have many memories stored and I've for the last ten years attempted to write a novel based on events and people I've known over those years. You have encouraged me greatly over the years I've heard of you and through your books. Thanks!
Carl Uptain"

"Excellent way to lighten up my day! My impromptu response to your gift to us is just the chorus to My Favorite Things ....

When the book waits,
When the work piles,
When I feel behind . . .
I simply remember by favorite things,
And then I just don't mind!

Thanks for bringing to us one of our best gifts as humans.... laughter.

PS (I actually started out saying "Distractions by email and bright, funny singers ...) " and could think of no more quickly ... so I jumped to the chorus. You get the idea though!"

"Thanks for the laughs! Nathan does look and sound like an Osmond - -- but also looks and sounds like his unique self. Thanks for the link!
JKJ"

"Hi Andy, I love your spirit! I am of the same belief. Laughter is healing and all of my life, I've been told I have the gift of making folks laugh and I shall do that, as it is a Gift from God! Thanks for the reminder. Thank you for your sharing your gift with us. May God continually Bless you and yours."

"That was really good Andy- thanks. :)"

"That was really good Andy- thanks. Funny song! :)"

"This is what happens when you're distracted. I'll need a note from you for my boss Andy. Thanks.
:o)

To the tune of:

I Am 16-

I'm distracted,
Goin' on medicine,
Baby, it's not all bad

I just can't think,
Thoughts rumble and clink,
But, medicine's what I had

I can think now
Better than ever
'membering all this stuff!

Now when I sleep
I don't hear a peep,
So baby it's not that tough

Careful to drive a car am I
and heavy machin-er-y
Dharma is where I am right now
It's what I now believe!

I'm distracted,
Goin' on medicine,
Baby, I'm just not sad

I couldnt' think,
Thoughts rumbled and clinked,
But, medicine's what I have!"

"OK... my first attempt at poetry...

There was a cat
His name was Matt
He walked into the road
Now he's flat.
- - - - -
How'm I doing?"

"My Favorite Things

Giggles and smiling and gut hurting laughter
And all those good feelings that keep coming after
High fives and yesses and light hearted flings
These are a few of my favorite things.

Trees in the forest all shady and quiet
A cute little bunny that runs when I eye it
High in a tree top a bird brightly sings
These are a few of my favorite things.

A hot bowl of soup when the weather is cloudy
A friend that stops over just to say howdy
Such are the blessings that give my heart wings
Yes, these are some of my favorite things

When the toast burns and the milk turns
and I am feeling had
I simply remember my favorite things
And suddenly feel quite glad"

"Andy, Kudos for the "Noticer', I place it right int the same category as "The Shack"! I had the pleasure of meeting you in New Orleans. I don't have lyrics to this, perhaps you could supply some!
The Saga of Two Toed Jake

He'd been called mean and cold,
so the story's been told,

Ledgend says, he hated the rattle snake, one day he blundered into a nest and the rattles began to shake,

That began the ledgend of Two Toed Jake, when he blew off three toes trying to kill a big snake,

Shot straight down, pulled both triggers, what a God awful roar,
then he realized part of his boot and three toes weren't there anymore,

Jake began a journey that covered most of his years, listening for that rattle, always ready to do battle,
He could cook it over fifty ways, said it tasted like chicken, thousands of times he'd heard that rattle everytime his pulse would quicken,
some say he was ninety when he died in a badland, bit by a monster rattler on the back of his hand,

Others say he still roams the desert looking for one more snake,

So goes the Legend Of Two Toed Jake... LE 2007

God Bless and keep writing!"

"Andy, I could not resist:

To the tune of Your Cheatin Heart

Your sneakin fart
Will make you weep.
You'll cry & cry
And try to sleep.

But sleep won't come
The whole night through.
Your sneakin fart
Will smell on you.

When tears come down
Like fallin rain.
You'll toss around
And try to blame.

But your're the one
you know it's true.
Your sneakin fart
Will smell on you.

That goes out to all the married folks.

Much love, & thanks for the opportunity."

"Andy, I am queen of my red hat group in Hudson FL and wrote this:

It is sung to the tune of Kermit the Frog's song- IT's not Easy Being Green. Please sing along.


It's Not East Being Queen



It's not easy being queen;
Having to spend each day on the computer or the phone.
When I think it could be nicer being vice queen or lady of the court or something much more fun like that.

It's not easy being queen;
It seems you stand out among the many oridinary things
And people tend to stare cause you are in red hat, purple and flashy sparkles in the crowd or restaurant.

But being queen is fun
And queen can be cool and friendly- like
And queen can be silly like a clown, or important like a hangnail, or tall like Marge, Christine or Marie.

When queen is all there is to be.
It could make you wonder, but why wonder why? Wonder.
I am queen and I will do fine. You are beautiful!!!
And I think queen is just what I want to be right now."

"Thanks Andy! Can't wait for our kids to get home so they can hear YOU! Megan and I were working on a song and when we finish it this afternoon I'll enter it.

More later...."

"I think Marvin Tidwell (entry #12) made me laugh the hardest. I think he has a great career ahead him--maybe a lo-n-n-g way ahead, but there, nevertheless. He's my kind of poet. All my poetry seems to come out sounding like his. I'm still laughing."

"Andy,
We are fans of yours. My son just commented about you on his facebook status...he is reading The Noticer and says it's the best book he's EVER read (in long 14 years of life...haha!). He already read The Young Traveler's Gift, which I also read aloud to my high school show choir class, and they LOVED it!
For years I have been saying I was going to write some country songs...I haven't completed the lyrics, but here are some of the titles I have come up with so far...use your imagination. :)
1. Living out of the laundry basket (does anybody else ever do this? you know, the clothes are clean but haven't been folded or put away)
2. Redneck with a blue tooth
(got my inspiration from a guy in overalls driving down the road in his beat up pick up truck talking on his cell phone device)

Let me know if you have any other ideas. Heehee!
Amy Carter
Ringgold, GA"

"Hello Andy,

My family have been working on our family mission, and a family song. Since I am one of those who tries not to be too serious, we tried to have fun with it.

This is to the tune of Gilligan's Island. We are planning a youTube video - so watchout all the MTV folks!
---------
Just sit right back and we’ll tell the tale
Of a family who is weird
The parents do deny it much
But the truth is standing clear

The dad is a mighty geeky man
The mom is just the same
The five children encouraging them
For that’s their claim to fame

The family lives in a tiny town
In the cornfields of Illinois
The family has a lot of girls
And they give them lots of joy

The family started homschooling
With the help of VeggieTales®
With Natalie, Rachel too, Mary and Elyse
And then there is the youngest one
Whose name is Therese




So this is the tale of our family
We’ve been here a long, long time
We try to make the best of things
Though we’re running out of rhyme

The geeky dad, and the teaching mom
Will do their very best
To teach the others what they need
And the meaning of true success

No cable, no MTV
No air conditioning
But with mucho lots of music
Like the Partridge family

This is the end of our family song
You should have learned a lot
We’ve had to make the best of things
But the rest of it, we’ve forgot!
---------
Enjoy, and look for a the music video coming soon to a Youtube Channel near you!
;-)"

"hmm...
first off I wanna know if Jim will let me repost "50 ways to leave your broker"! That is funny!

a few of my favorite things...
sunrises and sunsets and when my boy sings
great books and live music and the words in between
speaking and writing and teaching and entertaining
the laughter of babies and giggles of boys playing
friends you can't count on and new ones in the making...

there ya go:)"

"Andy, I have to tell you about someone who encouraged me to "entertain" and made me feel like I made a difference. Her name is Patty.When I first started teaching adults at our church (I'm a born preacher...)I was young, nervous, and had a few challenges (in the form of some well,lets just say, pharasee types.On top of that I thought I would bore these poor people to death. Well, when Patty was in the room there was no boredom. I could count on Patty to laugh at the least suggestion of a "funny".It didn't matter that no one else thought I was funny. Patty did.Because Patty did, it seemed everyone else did too.When Patty was there I could do no wrong.She loved me and because of her joy in me and our friendship she helped others see that maybe, just maybe, I was worth listening too.

I suspect, Andy, that you are just a little bit like Patty to many.

Bless you."

"Andy,
I write country song titles too like Amy Carter #19.

"I tought I found gold 'til my finger turned green" describing a relationship

and "From the Gutter to a Strike"
dscribing my bowling game."

"I'm more of a Limerick person than a song person so here's one that was swimming in my mind this morning after reading your blog last night:

There once was a blogger named Andy,
Whose words can be sweet, just like
candy.
He makes us all giggle
'Til our tummies, they jiggle.
All his readers and friends think
he's dandy."

"Hi Andy, I've got several of your books and our family has all enjoyed them, most recently, The Noticer. Here's a song I wrote for my moms birthday. Enjoy and have a great day!


TRIBUTE SONG TO GRANDMA LOU ON HER 80TH BIRTHDAY
Sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies TV theme.


Come listen to my story ‘bout our Grandma Lou,
livin’ on an island sorta west of Honaluu.
Then one day she was carin’ for her brood,
and back from Lanai came her man in a “mood”…
good one that is…big grin…Texas size…

Well… the first thing you know we’re all up in the air…
flyin’ high ‘cause the kinfolk said “Move away back here”.
Said “Californy is the place ya otter be,
so we loaded up a Matson and moved to Los Floreeezzz…
Boulevard that is… lots a rooms… smog to breathe…

Now… Grandma Lou’s said “see ya” to Lynwood and more…
settled down in Wally Waller close to Andy’s Market Store…
She wants to see us back again before the years’ bell tolls…
to have a heapin’ helpin’ of her ‘taterchip casserole…
Vege style that is…Fri Chick… Ruffles…

Well…now it’s time to sing the song that celebrates our ‘ma…
she done turned eighty years on us and that sticks in our craws…
If momma’s pushin’ eighty, what sorta picture does that draw?...
That the rest ain’t gettin’ younger, what to say but “Oh pshaw!!!”
Happily that is…all growed up…grandkids…

We love you !!!..."

"Andy,
WOW! What a truly talented group of readers you have out there. Ok, people tell me I always make them laugh, and have been known to make up poems on the spot... but H1N1 has hit here in Choteau, MT HARD, and I'm afraid the brain just isn't working today. So... I really want to thank you, and all these talented responders for giving ME some deep, gut-laughing minutes here @ the computer. Have to go to sleep now. Again!
Amy Fry
Choteau, MT"

"Thanks for the laughs, Andy, & thanks to all the clever writers out there. Soon I'd like to add my lyrics, but home computer is down right now,so am at the lib. Later, Bill"

"First of all, to whomever reads this, I send a fraternal hug. I might be in the wrong section but I'm barely figuring this out.

I just read "The Traveler's Gift" and my God did it have a great impact on my life!

Anyways, I am curious to why not has this book made into a movie? This would be a great movie! It has the perfect dialogue! I have a great imagination and I have always wanted to work in the movie industry! In my imagination, the way I saw the images from the book, it would have good effects and the movie would make the viewers think, laugh, and be well off entertained and most importantly of all, they would definitely learn something important of value!

Again, whoever happens to read this, God bless and a fraternal hug!"

"Andy, I really appreciate this "exercise" of freelance humor. It combines the talents of two people that I appreciate for their humor and accomplishments (and the joy they supply to others). Those two people are Andy Andrews and "weird Al" Yankovic. Laughter is important to me and I can't think of two better people to have as contributors to my personal board of directors (from afar).

How about an oldy but goody?
OK - maybe not "goody"
but here gies anyway:

(To the tune of "Green Acres")

(Dad part)
-"Teen" raisers are to be envied.

-We go crazy from the constant "Needs".

-Hands sticking out,
for cash or keys

-How did this happen?
-can we get past a wedding please?


(Daughter part)
-New clothes
are what I need today.

-I challenge everything you say.

-I need a car - but I want it new.

-Daddy I love you
-but how did I come from you?

(Dad)
Your chores!
(Daughter)
I'm Bored!
(Dad)
Good grades!
(Daughter)
Hair shades!

(Dad)
I blame my wife. Goodbye stress free life.

Teen raisers, we are there!"

"I took a class at Belmont last fall that encouraged us to use our creative side. We were challenged to write a poem with lines of only 3 words. Having almost lost my younger grandson a couple of weeks before, I wrote this one. Some lines are funny and if anyone has 5 year olds that love music it will probably strike a chord ... no pun intended.. or did I? Enjoy your books and this site greatly.

Wyatt

Big blue eyes
Loves his brother
Full of life
Precious to all

Laugh is infectious
Loves his dog
Watches Scooby Doo

He’s a ham
Plays his guitar
Loves his music
Sings with ACDC

Plays his Wii
Reads to me
Sad sometimes too

Misses his Dad
Likes to paint
Makes a mess
That’s OK too
He’s my heart"

"When I get up off the floor after seeing my name in your blog, I will try to be creative and add to your lyrics fest.

You are a sweet, sweet man. I am blessed to know you!

Bonnie Bartel Latino"

"Andy, I have enjoyed each & every book that you have authored – Thanks for the love you have given to the world.

Brian


The Place

While the trees sway
In the winter winds
I walk the back county
Over broken abandon roads
To the place I call home.

Together I walk
Embraced with Another
In the hours before
The first light of dawn

Touched by a thought
As the shadows may occasionally
Cover the pathway of Light
I am destine to find
The place I know as Nirvana.
Bgo"

"Rich girl she drives a cadillac,
Poor girl she drives a ford,
My girl drives an old jackass and beats it with a board.

Rich girl she uses cold cream,
poor girl she uses lard,
My girl uses axle grease
and rubs it twice as hard!!"

"I'm not super creative so I copied your tune, Andy!

MY Favorite Things

Bike rides with Jonas, winning at tennis
Watching a slapshot, my uncle Dennis
Walking on mountains in Colorado Springs
These are a few of my favorite things

Cuddles on cold nights with blankets and ice cream
Pastor Stan's sermons, Memorial Stadim "Suh" screams
Thanksgiving football and Christmas mornings
These are a few of my favorite things.

I love it."

"Hi Mr. Andrews!
It's me Caroline... you know, Jim's daughter? I don't blame you if you don't remember me but I read The Noticer when we got it in the mail, and I loved it... especially chapter 5! I'm telling all my friends about it. Anyway here's my song:
Reading all your books and movies with ice cream
Playing with stella and watching Josh scream
Hanging with my friends and singing on stage
These are a few of my favorite things
When detention hits
When I'm late
When I do math
I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so mad!
( BTW nothing makes me feel worse than math!) : )"